Burying the Dead

Today we finally laid my grandmother to rest. It has taken us a year to get her here, but since this was her last request, it was well worth the trip and the enormous amount of stress that was required...

My grandmother was a pioneer during her time. Not 'pioneer' as in coming to America LOL but pioneer as in the only one of her kind, in her community. She was born in 1916 during WWI to a wealthy family, the second sibling of 5 children. Although extremly well off she felt as though she was often ignored and forgotten. This may have contributed to the development of a bitter personality that rarely warmed up to people or even her own family.

At a young age she fell in love with an Italian boy and he asked her to marry him... her mother denied this request as tradition dictated that the oldest sister be married before the others (my great aunt was not yet even engaged). My grandmother was devastated... Bruno (her fiance) was forced to leave Romania because the communists were decending upon our country and it would not go well for foreigners caught on our soil. I dont think my grandmother ever recovered from this heart break... Bruno would continue to visit her for 10yrs or so, staying for short periods of time. It was from one of his last visits that my mother was conceived. Having a child 'in flori' as we say or out of wedlock was unheard of during this period. But my grandmother could care less. She was working as an engineer (again unheard of yet), had her own house and thought that maybe my mother's birth would make Bruno stay for good. Needless to day this did not happen - whether for political reasons, or personal, Bruno never asked my grandmother to marry him again.

There is much to say about my mother's childhood (some good, many bad) but it is not my story to tell... yet :) Needless to say, my grandmother was a single mother in a hard world - the communists took everything from my greatgrandparents, including my greatgrandfather's life. My greatgrandmother died later from cancer.

As for me, I was my grandmother's everything (along with my brother of course LOL) She adored me and I was fascinated by her. She gambled, smoked and often had late parties at her home. When I was a kid I often fell asleep under her Remi table. I thought she was brilliant even if she had a mean streak and a vicious tongue. To me she was (almost) always sweet and generous.

When we were leaving for Canada we spent our last months living in her house. It is one of the few memories of my childhood that I have... I have gone to visit that house today and I was so glad that its still standing and almost exactly the same as it was 25 yrs ago. Once we settled in Canada, we sent for her to come and be with us. She spent the last 20 yrs in our house except for the yearly summer vacations back to her home.

The day she died I wasnt there, I was working. She was 92 yrs old and I guess it was bound to happen at some point. But I have always felt terrible that I did not get to say goodbye (devastated is more like it) She was hard to live with and I wish I would have had more patience, more of the love I had for her when I was a little kid... this last request was an honour for me to complete. I hope that she is now at rest... I tried not to cry at the burial as most people there (other than Ma) would not have really understood why I miss someone who was so difficult. I guess its hard to explain... Now our duty and the main purpose for being here is complete. Tomorrow Ma is taking me to more childhood places, to see if I remember any of them... I'll keep you posted ;)

XOXO